Don’t be afraid to be you

Don’t be afraid to be you. The tagline of my website and the hardest lesson I’m still learning. Every day I’m still afraid to be me. I don’t know who ‘me’ is sometimes. Where I’m going, or what I want to do, who I want to be. So it’s hard to be something fully and completely when you don’t know who or what that is.

It’s an easy excuse to hide behind and live in suspended animation. I know that. But it’s also a large part of my reality. Who am I? How do I know for sure what I want to do?

Taking a leap of faith is one way to go, I’ve done that on many occasions. I moved to the UK, went back for one thing, and there have been many other situations where I spontaneously followed my gut instinct. Sometimes that felt like the only thing I could do.

And now when I want so desperately to rely on that gut instinct, it has gone on a vacation without me. I will have to work hard to make sure it comes back to me. And the only way to do that is one habit a time.

So this morning, after a long period of nothingness, I pulled out my journal, and I wrote three good things that happened yesterday and three things I’m grateful for. Starting to full-on journal was too big a step yet. But, the journal inspired me to make an index card for the Icard challenge, and I’m writing this blogpost now.

Little tiny baby steps all the way. One thing I know, one thing I’ve always known, is that creativity and writing are the two things that are going to make all the difference.

It’s up to me to face the demons blocking my path with these tools and make sure writing and creativity are the cornerstones on which I build my day.